The big one: Rock Ness

United Kingdom | 04 June 2008

What is it?

A monster two day festival of top name DJs and bands, held within biting distance of every American tourist's favourite Scottish loch. The main stage is perched in front of the lake, allowing you to watch the Cribs and monster-spot at the same time

When and where?

The two day event in Dores, near Inverness, kicks-off on Saturday (7 June) and continues the next day. The campsite opens 9am Friday morning and closes 12pm on Monday (9 June). Razorlight, the View, Underworld and Fatboy Slim headline, but the location is perhaps the main star.

Five to watch

Digitalism - (Saturday, Stage) - Part of the holy trinity of filthy nu-electro (with Justice and Boys Noize), Digitalism will drive everyone wild with their absorbing mix of metallic house and robot-rock.

Fatboy Slim - (Saturday, Stage) - Having christened the festival two years ago, Fatboy Slim returns with his 'big beach' formula to rock the shores of the loch. Be prepared for some crowd classics mixed in with the summer's biggest dance tunes.

Boys Noize - (Sunday, Stage) - Alex Ridha's infectious, distorted, analogue electro sounds like he's fed house music through a bank of Marshals. His genius remix of Feist's My Moon My Man is worth the ticket price alone.

Mystery Jets - (Saturday, Clash Stage) - So full of galloping sunshine pop and wonderful eccentricity are the Mystery Jets, there's a real possibility they'll have more people dancing and grinning than Fatboy Slim.

Black Ghosts - (Sunday, Stage) - Featuring Simon William Lord from Simian (it's him singing on 'We Are Your Friends'), Black Ghosts' crow-black goth-disco will haunt and electrify you in equal measure.

One to miss

Calvin Harris - (Saturday, Stage) - There's more chance of Nessie singing 'Born Slippy' with Underworld than Calvin pulling a drop of inspiration from his insipid chart fodder.

Playing a rare festival date

Razorlight - It's their only UK festival date this summer and with new tracks on the way it could be something to behold, only if Johnny Borrell doesn't parade around like Jesus, of course, which he probably will. Drummer Andy Burrows recently released a solo album so perhaps the 'special one' might be slightly smaller in his shoes for this show. 

Inside tip

Make sure to look out for the MySpace double-decker bus. In the past the secret gigs by the likes of Justice, Boys Noize, Dan le Sac Vs Scroobius Pip, Hadouken, Klaxons, Kate Nash and Digitalism, have always turned into Skins-style mayhem.

Be at Rockness if you like...

Monster-spotting, repetitive beats, dipping your aching dancing feet into a lake after a hard night's raving.

Avoid if you like...

Concrete, quiet weekends, painting the St George's Flag on your face and singing God Save the Queen.

Festival tactics

You'll find some of the finest views in the UK outside your tent. Organisers have teamed up with Bestival to give people the Nesstival experience - chilled music, bars and food - which opens at 4pm on Friday and runs until 4am Friday/Saturday and 2am on Sunday.

Fashionista or folky?

Held in incredible countryside near a lake, you'd expect folkies. But with cooler-than-thou DJ's like Annie Mac, Kissy Sell Out and Rob Da Bank, plus the likes of Felix Da Housecat and Radioclit, they might have well put on a bus straight from Hoxton.

Alcohol of choice

Take ANY unopened can of warm beer (even the cheap Supermarket stuff) and Carling will swap it for a cold one at their Beer Amnesty. They've got 4000 ice-cold cases ready, so hopefully they won't run out.

Take your mum score

5/10. If your mum grew up on Krautrock and Suicide she may be well up for some of the filthy electro on offer over the weekend. Otherwise it's only Razorlight and Calvin Harris to keep her occupied while you get dirty to 2 Many DJs. She will marvel at the surroundings though, and possible be inspired to paint.

Rockness takes place in Dores, near Inverness, from 7-8 June.